[OPE-L] What would Jesus buy?

From: Jurriaan Bendien (adsl675281@TISCALI.NL)
Date: Sat Nov 17 2007 - 07:50:22 EST

Jesus would buy a Rolex?! In 2003, I posted this story in Marxmail:

The Good Lord Jesus is sitting on his donkey, riding to Golgotha. A crowd of
people stands by, cheering. All of a sudden, the donkey stops, and
stubbornly refuses to move on. A Roman soldier whips the donkey, to get the
donkey to move, and whips Jesus a bit for good measure, causing blood to
well up from the Lord's shoulder. But the donkey still refuses to move.
"Ouch", says Jesus.
"What now", jibed the Roman soldier, "Are you whinging again ?".
"I want a Rolex", says Jesus.
"What ???", says the Roman soldier incredulously.
And Jesus says very calmly, "I want a Rolex".
"This is unbelieveable", said the Roman soldier, taken aback. "Anyway, you
can't look at your Rolex, hanging on the cross, and you'll be dead very soon
anyway, so what's the point of having a Rolex ?".
"It's simple", said Jesus, "if I don't get my Rolex, this donkey ain't gonna
The soldier takes off his helmet off, and scratches his head. "Hell, Jesus
of Nazareth", he says, "you drive a hard bargain. What on earth have you
done, that's so good, that would earn you a Rolex at this unGodly time ?".
"Well", says Jesus, "I campaigned for peace of earth, and I am a socialist".
"But this is ridiculous", said the Roman soldier. "As regards peace, you
caused a public disturbance, and you cannot prove you are a socialist
"I can prove it", said Jesus.
"How ?", said the Roman soldier.
"My Dad was working class, he worked as a carpenter. My mother gave birth to
me in a sty", said Jesus.
"That doesn't make you a socialist, that's just talking about your parents",
jibed the Roman soldier.
"I had various jobs, I was a barefoot doctor, I worked as a para-legal, I
have been a parttime lecturer, jobs like that, nothing fancy, modest wages."
""But there is nothing socialist about that", said the Roman soldier. "That
proves nothing."
"I broke the loaves and the fishes, and shared them out, with a Keynesian
multiplier effect", said Jesus.
"But that doesn't make you a socialist, that is just a distributional issue,
any social democrat can say that", said the Roman soldier.
"I didn't say I voted for Meretz; I consorted with a prostitute", said
"Bureaucrats do that too", said the Roman soldier, who had been on a tour of
duty to Brussels, and was a fan of the Danish soccer team.
"Allright then", said Jesus, "put me in a cave, and I will rise again."
"The centurion doesn't allow that", said the Roman soldier. "We just have to
bomb the caves, because Osama Bin Laden might be hiding in there."
"I threw the money-changers out of the temple", said Jesus. "And I want my
Rolex, otherwise the donkey ain't moving."
"Now we're talking", says the Roman soldier. "Which reminds me, they still
haven't paid me either. Okay, here's your Rolex, now get off this donkey",
so I can get it moving again."
The Good Lord Jesus gets off the donkey, looked at his Rolex, and straps it
on. Miraculously, the donkey starts moving again.
"Allright then", says the Roman soldier, "now git back on your donkey".
"Yes", said Jesus, "but what's the time ?".
"What do you mean, 'what's the time ?'", said the Roman soldier. "I just
gave you a bloody Rolex."
"I don't know how to tell the time", said Jesus. "Honest."
"You what ?", asked by Roman soldier, astonished. "I thought you said you'd
been a barefoot doctor; if you can't tell the time, why do you want a Rolex
anyway ?".
"Time waits for no one", said Jesus. "Didn't you spot that great-looking
bird in the crowd over there ? Anyhow, you can take it off me again, when
I'm dead."


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