[OPE-L] Santa Claus, the Communist

From: glevy@PRATT.EDU
Date: Sun Dec 24 2006 - 17:10:37 EST

The little-known story of Claus V, Communist (with a capital 'C'),
is published below.

In solidarity, Jerry

Santa Claus Timeline
1856--Claus V is born. In order to celebrate, Claus IV decides to stay at
home, and so he suggests that department stores use costumed employees to
represent him. They do, and it works out so well that he decides to do it
every year.

1857-1867--Claus V grows up, spending most of his time visiting with his
elf relatives and friends. Claus IV, who spends most of his time building
up the company, doesn't seem to mind, in fact, he feels that it's good

1871--Working conditions continue to worsen for the elves, and they try to
convince Claus V to overthrow his father and give the government back to
the elves.

1872--Claus V usurps his father's throne, sending him to live the
remainder of his life under guard in the castle's west wing.

1875--After reading the works of Karl Marx, Claus V chooses communism as
the new form of government for the North Pole. Some elves protest this,
but they are successfully quieted. (It is also because of communism that
Santa Claus' suit later changes from beige to red.)

1881--Claus IV dies in captivity, just as the new Government gets
underway. His funeral is not a large one.

1887--In order to keep up with growing populations, Claus Toys becomes
industrialized. The elves learn the ways of mass production on the
assembly line.

1893--Another mutant reindeer is born, and is named Rudolf II in honor of
the first one, whom the communist government now honors for "giving the
government back to the elves."

1900--Sigmund Freud's "The Interpretation of Dreams" is published.

1902--After he had been presumed dead for years, Frosty the Snowman is
claimed to have been sighted on several occasions. All throughout the
kingdom, children claim that they all heard him say he'd be back again
some day.

1906--Claus VI is born. The Claus family celebrates, but the elves aren't
the least bit excited.

1909-1922--The toys distributed yearly begin to show signs of propaganda
influence. Frosty the Snowman continues to appear occasionally, and Claus
V begins to grow uneasy, fearing some sort of hidden sabotage.

1925--Claus V dies, under mysterious circumstances. He is found buried in
the snow in the castle garden, frozen solid. Many think it is the work of
Frosty, but no one can prove it.

1926--Claus VI takes over, and immediately tightens up security. He rules
with an iron hand, but a fair one. Electric lights are installed in the
streets, and the castle and the town gets electricity. The factories are
expanded, and the toys continue to be used as propaganda for the world.

1929--Angered by Claus' commercialization of Christmas, the Grinch
attempts to remove the material goods to show the true meaning of
Christmas. He fails, and later Claus commissions a cartoon, which warps
the story so that the Grinch is made out to be the villain.

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