[OPE-L] Capital finally has a solution for Global Warming!

From: glevy@PRATT.EDU
Date: Mon May 15 2006 - 16:34:30 EDT

Finally, Capital -- in this case, Halburton -- has developed a
technological answer for Global Warming: the SurvivaBall. This
is an answer to a long-standing and frequently-asked question:
since capitalists are human and would be hurt by environmental
degredation like the working class, why would they allow the
environment to be further destroyed?

In solidarity, Jerry


Interactivist Info Exchange
Collaborative Authorship, Collective Intelligence

<http://info.interactivist.net/article.pl?sid=06/05/14/124231 >

Halliburton Solves Global Warming
SurvivaBalls save managers from abrupt climate change

 An advanced new technology will keep corporate managers safe even when
climate change makes life as we know it impossible.

"The SurvivaBall is designed to protect the corporate manager no matter
what Mother Nature throws his or her way," said Fred Wolf, a Halliburton
representative who spoke today at the Catastrophic Loss conference held at
the Ritz-Carlton hotel in Amelia Island, Florida. "This technology is the
only rational response to abrupt climate change," he said to an attentive
and appreciative audience.

Most scientists believe global warming is certain to cause an accelerating
onslaught of hurricanes, floods, droughts, tornadoes, etc. and that a
world-destroying disaster is increasingly possible. For example, Arctic
melt has slowed the Gulf Stream by 30% in just the last decade; if the
Gulf Stream stops, Europe will suddenly become just as cold as Alaska.
Global heat and flooding events are also increasingly possible.

In order to head off such catastrophic scenarios, scientists agree we must
reduce our carbon emissions by 70% within the next few years. Doing that
would seriously undermine corporate profits, however, and so a more
forward-thinking solution is needed.

At today's conference, Wolf and a colleague demonstrated three SurvivaBall
mockups, and described how the units will sustainably protect managers
from natural or cultural disturbances of any intensity or duration. The
devices - looking like huge inflatable orbs - will include sophisticated
communications systems, nutrient gathering capacities, onboard medical
facilities, and a daunting defense infrastructure to ensure that the
corporate mission will not go unfulfilled even when most human life is
rendered impossible by catastrophes or the consequent epidemics and armed

"It's essentially a gated community for one," said Wolf.

Dr. Northrop Goody, the head of Halliburton's Emergency Products
Development Unit, showed diagrams and videos describing the SurvivaBall's
many features. "Much as amoebas link up into slime molds when threatened,
SurvivaBalls also fulfill a community function. After all, people need
people," noted Goody as he showed an artist's rendition of numerous
SurvivaBalls linking up to form a managerial aggregate with functional
differentiation, metaphorically dancing through the streets of Houston,

The conference attendees peppered the duo with questions. One asked how
the device would fare against terrorism, another whether the array of
embedded technologies might make the unit too cumbersome; a third brought
up the issue of the unit's cost feasibility. Wolf and Goody assured the
audience that these problems and others were being addressed.

"The SurvivaBall builds on Halliburton's reputation as a disaster and
conflict industry innovator," said Wolf. "Just as the Black Plague led to
the Renaissance and the Great Deluge gave Noah a monopoly of the animals,
so tomorrow's catastrophes could well lead to good - and industry must be
ready to seize that good."

Goody also noted that Jean-Michel Cousteau's Ocean Futures Society was set
to employ the SurvivaBall as part of its Corporate Sustenance (R) program.
Another of Cousteau's CSR programs involves accepting a generous
sponsorship from the Dow Chemical Corporation, whose general shareholder
meeting is May 11.

Please visit <http://www.halliburtoncontracts.com/EPDU/> for photos,
video, and text of today's presentation.

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